


Why Am I not One With the Earth and Other Questions to Ask when Finding Yourself

by itwilleatyourbabies



Series: Questions [2]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: A little fluffy, Can be read alone, F/F, Getting Together, Lesbian AU, Part 2, Poetry-esque, Post-Break Up, a little angsty, a little cliche, no drag race
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itwilleatyourbabies/pseuds/itwilleatyourbabies
Summary: Sasha's prospective "What does it Feel Like to Be 'Alive' and Other Questions to Ask when Falling in Love" but it can be read alone. This is basically the most cliche Sashea fic ever.excerpt:If Sasha was fire, Shea was earth. Grounding, safe, a lovely final resting place. Shea was familiarity and comfort and feelings of hot chocolate on cold winter days, Sasha would never admit it to herself but Shea felt like home. Their eyes met and Sasha felt warm, flustered but she shook it off, smiling and Shea and walking towards her, but before she could, Tiffany wrapped her arm around Sasha’s waist, suffocating her. She can feel fingernails digging into her waist, her eyes drop the floor, but soon enough she’s engulfed in her work again, monologuing about the next piece on the walls. She pretends to ignore the way Tiffany glares at her.Shea made Sasha want to paint landscapes.





	Why Am I not One With the Earth and Other Questions to Ask when Finding Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, friends! Thank you for joining be for Questions pt. 2, a few notes on this piece:  
> 1) I don't like this one as much as some other things I've written, nor do I like it as much as the first part, but I feel like this one is special in its own right.  
> 2) Instead of going with a poetry theme, I decided to go with a 4 elements theme instead, and I hope you enjoy it.  
> 3) As of right now, this series is finished, but I really like the little world it takes places in, and if I find inspiration (or if somebody requests something) I would be happy to add to it.  
> Some other notes in general:  
> 1) I am working on chapter one of Just Strangers, but I'm super stuck on a transition sentence, so I can't finish it as of right now, further, it is already around 6k+ words, so it'll be INSANE to edit, I would expect that chapter by the end of August.  
> 2) I'm starting school soon (:() meaning that the easiest thing for me to write would be requests.  
> 3) All my fics are also posted on Artifical Queens, under the name of "panic" so don't worry if you seem them there too.  
> 4) My writing tumblr is artificalpanic.tumblr.com and that's the easiest place to get ahold of me and request or look through my other fics.  
> 5) Obviously, this fic isn't real life, and I love bot h Sasha and Shea so much that I don't wish harm on either of them I swear, the gf in this is NOT Johnny or at all a representation of him because I love him too.  
> I hope you enjoy!  
> -Panic

When Sasha was a child, she hated painting landscapes, she had never been able to paint the beauty that surrounded her, but she wanted too, she wanted to be one with the earth. Eventually, she realized that would never happen. She was fire, and she didn’t want anybody else to get burned.  
...  
She stood at the front of the soon to full gallery, glancing around at her body of work. The walls are filled with her abstract portraits, bright colors are ((assaulting)) her bright eyes. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t absolutely terrified.  
This wasn’t Sasha Velour’s first gallery, but this one was different, she hadn’t pulled her inspirations from the outside world this time, she pulled her inspirations from herself, from her mind, from her struggles. A knock shocked her out of her thoughts. She turned on one heel toward the door, where Tiffany stood. Sasha felt her face break out into a bright smile, it’d been a few days since she’d last seen her long term girlfriend. Pushing open the door, Sasha grabbed Tiffany’s hand and pulled her into the gallery, pressing a firm kiss to her lips once she was safely inside.  
She didn’t feel Tiffany smile into the kiss. Pulling away, she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. “It’s been so long!” Sasha exclaimed, excitement tangling with her earlier feelings of fear, creating a weird sensation inside of her body in the pit of her stomach, not like butterflies, more like a freight train ramming itself around inside of her.  
“It’s only been a couple of days, babe,” Tiffany replied, voice cool and calm, the annoyance in her voice *faintly* hidden. Sasha sighed and looked down at the ground, lightly kicking one food against the smooth wood of the gallery. The silence was suffocating.  
“I know, I just miss you.” She and Tiffany had always been total opposites. Tiffany was water, cold, but still inviting in the heat of the moment. She kept her emotions under control, under a veil of eye-rolls and sarcastic comments. Tiffany was an ocean in the way that she seemed so inviting, so calming and cool, but like the ocean, it wasn’t always true. She could turn controlling, suffocating, in a single instant.  
Sasha was fire. She was bright and passionate, filled with heat and determination but unable to understand when she had gotten too hot, when her heat began to drive people away, because even though she didn’t have great emotional control, she always meant well, but something about her always seemed to be too big, too bright for everybody else.  
“What have you been up to the last couple of days?” Tiffany asked as she pulled farther away from Sasha’s embrace, turning her head to glance around at the portraits decorating the walls.  
“Mostly working on this, getting final touches, planning what I’m going to say,” Sasha said, also taking a minute to admire her work, “I went to lunch with Shea yesterday.” She mumbled the last part, knowing Tiffany’s disdain for her friend. Tiffany sighed.  
“You know I think you should stay a w a y from her,” Tiffany said, meeting Sasha’s eyes for the first time. She nodded, “She isn’t good for you, she has bad intention, Sasha, I can tell.” Now it was time for Sasha to turn away, she hated having this discussion so, fucking much.  
Sasha glanced up to the clock and realizing the time, she exclaimed: “It starts in ten minutes oh god oh god oh god.” Tiffany rolled her eyes as Sasha leaped to prop the door open.  
It wasn’t much later when the area began to fill with people. Sasha greeted as many as she could, friends and family came, but also buyers, and journalists, Sasha was delirious with nerves as she greeted her guests, Tiffany never far behind her. As Sasha stood up to speak, her eyes caught a girl standing to her left, Shea.  
If Sasha was fire, Shea was earth. Grounding, safe, a lovely final resting place. Shea was familiarity and comfort and feelings of hot chocolate on cold winter days, Sasha would never admit it to herself but Shea felt like home. Their eyes met and Sasha felt warm, flustered but she shook it off, smiling and Shea and walking towards her, but before she could, Tiffany wrapped her arm around Sasha’s waist, suffocating her. She can feel fingernails digging into her waist, her eyes drop the floor, but soon enough she’s engulfed in her work again, monologuing about the next piece on the walls. She pretends to ignore the way Tiffany glares at her.  
Shea made Sasha want to paint landscapes.  
...  
If Sasha’s honest, she never thought they’d break up. Sure, there were problems; plenty of them, but she never thought it would end in a breakup. It was a day after the gallery, as Sasha trudged up the stairs to Tiffany’s apartment she could tell something was off.  
She knocked on the door, it was silent for a few suffocating moments before the door opened. Tiffany said nothing, just pushed the door wide enough for Sasha to duck in. Once the door shut behind her, She stood facing Tiffany. For a minute, nobody said anything they just stared at each other. Brown meeting blue. Water meeting fire.  
“There’s not an easy way to say this…” Tiffany started out, not meeting Sasha’s eyes. Sasha nodded, biting down on her lip.  
“I’m…. god, I’m so sorry, Sasha, but I’m seeing somebody else.” Sasha looked up meeting Tiffany’s eyes for the first time. She willed herself not to cry, but she could feel the tears welling up her eyes. She jerked away from Tiffany, but she didn’t say anything.  
“I’m sorry,” Tiffany said again. Taking a deep breath Sasha turned back to Tiffany and finally spoke.  
“You were worried about my relationship with Shea, all while you were seeing somebody else?” Sasha was in total disbelief, Tiffany said nothing.  
“You were so controlling and overprotective of who I talked too, all while you were cheating on me with somebody else?” Tiffany finally spoke.  
“I felt unwanted, what else did you want me to do?” Sasha let out an exasperated sigh.  
“Maybe talk to me? There were plenty of times where I felt unwanted but I talked to you every.single.time. It happened.”  
“Well, you were always with Shea, what did you want me to do?”  
“This isn’t about Shea. This is about us, or rather, this is about you.” She muttered through gritted teeth; but, Sasha couldn’t help but feel a stir in the back of her mind, had she been spending too much time with Shea?  
“You’re always spending time with her, ‘hey Tiff, I’m going to lunch with Shea.’ ‘Oh, Shea has a dance recital tomorrow, she’s going to do great.’’  
“Listen Tiff, I’m sorry, too.” Sasha started out, but Tiffany stopped her before she could go too far.  
“I don’t think you are though.”  
“You cheated on me, and I’m the one apologizing so honestly, I should probably just go.”  
“Go, then.” Sasha didn’t respond, but as she left, she heard Tiffany whisper.  
“I never loved you.”  
Sasha pretended not to hear anything.

To Shea: Are you free?  
To Shea: Please? I need to see you.  
To Shea: Shea?  
To Sasha: What’s wrong?  
To Sasha: Sasha?  
To Shea: Meet me at my studio.  
To Sasha: See you in ten.

Sasha tried to paint. She really did, she had paint splattered across the canvas but it wasn’t speaking to her, not like it used to. Sasha was used to painting people, abstract entities, and goddesses but her mind was only filled with pictures of the earth,  
bright buildings and bridges flashed across her mind in  
radiant hues,  
turned around  
flipped upside down,  
the pops of color were just too //blinding//  
but she couldn’t tell why.  
She heard Shea’s footsteps, quietly, she set down her paint brush and walked into Shea’s arms, she felt grounding, sturdy.  
The walk to the cafe is quiet, Sasha doesn’t know what to say. Something seems to be off, but she can’t tell what it is. The cafe they’re in is loud, almost deafeningly to the point where she cannot form the words in her mouth, they sit there, like sand, dry and impossible to swallow. Sasha takes a deep breath and sighs into her coffee, looking at Shea and finally saying it.  
“Tiffany and I… we broke up, I guess? And I don’t know, I’m…. She… she said some really hurtful shit, so, yeah.’ Shea nodded, taking Sasha’s hand, sending sparks up her arm.  
“You did the right thing, Sasha, I know it probably hurts like hell now but I’m sure it’ll all turn out for the best.” Shea’s eyes betrayed her, showed just a little bit of sadness, like a puddle next to a flowing river. The world is too loud of Sasha, she can feel the blood pumping in her ears as she tries maintains eye contact with Shea. She feels like she is on fire, her body is burning with something she does not quite recognize and it hurts.  
But, like always, Shea is there to ground her, to shelter her and keep her safe from herself, from the fire that threatens to swallow her up when things aren’t going to great.  
Shea breaks the eye contact first, unusual. Sasha does moments after her before whispering.  
“What’s  
Wrong?”  
Shea pulls her hand away from Sasha as she trains her eyes on the busy Brooklyn street through the window.  
“I think,” Her voice is quieter than Sasha has ever heard a gentle rumble that shook Sasha’s very core, the warning of thunder before the storm, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”  
Everything is happening too fast, She attempts to process the words that left her friend’s mouth but she just can’t. The words fall on Sasha’s shoulders like raindrops, quick, and all at once. Shea leaves the table, she doesn’t look at Sasha nor does she listen as Sasha calls her name down the street words echoing back to her.  
…  
Ironically enough, it is raining. Sasha pulls her jacket around her even closer as she walks down the street to the subway station, she can feel the rain twirling inside of her hair, her skin is wet but as she boards the dry subway station she can still feel the raindrops falling on her skin. She isn’t thinking, at least, not as well as she should be and that hurts, a reminder that even the strongest fires can be put out by enough water.  
When she was a kid, her parents used to take her camping, and she remembers clearly the feeling of calm that came with lying against the cool earth, the sun beating down on her neck reminding her that she is alive. She loved sleeping in tents, pressing her body against the world below her and now she’s wondering if she’ll ever feel calm like that again. The earth feels like it is moving beneath her feet and it feels like she is floating in space as she walks up to Shea’s apartment building, she is searching for something that will ground her for the first time in years and she knows that she will find it here.  
Shea’s drunk, but she let Sasha in without question. Sasha’s heart is pounding in her chest again as she takes Shea’s hands, she wants answers.  
Shea tells her that she is every hope that she has ever had, but in human form, the words bury themselves into Sasha’s skin and make their home there; and, even though she cannot find the words, it feels as though Shea understands as they smash their lips together in what feels like the most beautiful storm Sasha’s ever seen.  
Being wrapped in Shea’s arms feels like camping as a kid, it feels like Sasha is pressed into the earth again and she just wants them to be one. When she paints the earth she knows it is Shea she is painting but she can’t find the strokes to get Shea’s beauty just right so she paints the world around her, it is bright and stunning and a little backward, but it feels like home.


End file.
